A figment in my Lover's memory

Dear Beloved

You very well know what happened to make me this way…you were at the center of it! You found me fully in control of the universe of ME and you pivoted me off the axis of my planet. And now here I am, dizzy from the breakneck roller-coaster I just had the misfortune or the honor (not yet decided which) to have experienced.

A quickie relationship, you could say – Get In, Love Insanely, Get Out. OMG! I am breathless! And confused! OMG! That just didn’t happen – You just PASSED through me! Like I am a freaking corridor! That ought to sting like a bee!

YES! Here I am, not yet sure where I stand. Should I fight? Should I slink away into the dark? Can’t I stalk you? (WICKED GRIN) Just a little bit! NO? YES? Make up your mind woman!! Ugh!! NO it is. That’s okay still, I had to try you know.

I am trying to play back the initial love scenario in my head – was I too easy? Must have been? The minute you broke word of how I germinate butterflies in your tummy, I was bowled over. JUST LIKE THAT! SNAP!!! I admit that was easy…even for a mastermind like me, veteran of a dozen mental love conquests! I never fail to impress. Too bad it’s all in my head…

Now you left… or so you think, I offered you my heart…and you gladly took it. I gave it all. And its all for keeps. I sold my soul to the memory of YOU, every little whisker and mole. I GAVE IT ALL. You don’t just get to up and leave. –my love is no-strings-attached. When you leave, you leave with a sizable chunk of me. The good part of me. I cannot get it back. I am yours for good- GOODS ONCE SOLD, ARE NOT RETURNABLE…

Listen to reason, especially if it comes groveling in the dirt…

Dear Beloved…

Death Note

Dear Diary,
When you read this, know that that its already too late and I am dead already so do not shed your Ink; do not think I did not love you, for surely I did, as much as I was allowed to; but everything has a beginning and an end, and I suppose this is the end for me and the beginning of a different journey for you, one without me. I neglected you so.
I am accustomed to dying already, done it so many times already, but man! Every time it gets harder and harder to bear the pain- of dying inside. Death is such a dark lonely place. It’s so cold, so threatening to be all alone, to die alone and not have at least one soul to tell your story. But I am dead already, so it doesn’t matter much.
I thought I would continue caring for the comforts I cared for before. Sadly, I don’t. Dying is no different from living a half-life. For death is a half-life as it is. I go through the motions of death (Call it Life if you may) with a faraway look. The days are a blur. The food is bland, water…well that at least still tastes the same- like nothing! My legs trudge on, the lungs breathe on, my eyes look on as I live or as I die. For each moment I breathe, I die once more.
At least you didn’t leave Dearest Diary- though I suspect you would have done the same had you little windy legs and flailing arms to carry you far away from me. I know you too would have chosen to make a run for it. I do not blame you. I am a marked man and as is the way with marked men, they lose everything they hold dear to them. What is one more heartbreak? What is one more loss? What is one less Diary to keep at my chest for comfort? You do not want me anymore. I neglected you so.
Dear diary, mark my words; I will be less of a burden to you. My death marks the day I will release you from my bondage. I will rid myself of any renegade feelings I felt for you. Live a happier life than I could give you. I have to go now. Keep my secrets and I will scratch you back…

Time Warp

 February 6^th 2023

The thing about writing journals is that we normally write about stuff that has already happened; we write these things down so that we might maybe be able to preserve those events for future review. I suppose that is how this whole journal/blog/diary thing is supposed to go down.  

Have you ever wanted to do it differently, for once maybe?

Today Is the 6^th of February 2023. Today also happens to be my birthday. I finally made 35 years since I popped on the scene. Such a bundle of joy I have been to all those who have known me up until now.  Okay, granted not much the bundle as the joy shared. I am human and that’s my saving grace. My flaws make me uniquely me.

If you must know, I am married. Happily. Don’t laugh. It had to happen sometime you know. My Rabbit is the most beautiful woman you will ever see. She is tiny, much like a child much as we are age mates. She speaks Arabic, French and English. I suppose our kids when they grow up, they will have to speak just as many international languages.  It’s a global village you know.  Our first-born Jericho is already showing mad skills at being multi-lingual. I hope Eden and Shiraz will show as much promise.  I am eternally grateful for my happy healthy children.

We live in a spacious 6 bed roomed modern house complete with a greenhouse and as much greenery as is permitted on our plot of land. We got some animals too; a dog, a cat, rabbits, pigeons. We got birds, but we don’t own those:

You know, looking back, I never imagined I would be where I am today. At 25 I had no idea how drastically life would change. I was stuck in a rut back then, unsure of what my future held for me. Now I know I was worried for nothing. Funny thing how life sort of ends up just the way you want it, if you let it.

I am content with my family and my mom and 3 siblings. We turned out good after all. Who knew?